i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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