i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
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I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
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Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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