That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
