shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
