It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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