I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
false alarm, still single
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