I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Less talking, more tequila
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
