Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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