Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
