Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
