Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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