When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
