I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
