he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
