so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
