Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
