I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
