Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
