Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
