guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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