Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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