; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
why didn't you poke me back
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
