I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
