i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
