I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
