You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
