you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
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