official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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