dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
