yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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