Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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