I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
As shirtless as possible
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
