It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
