His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
