So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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