I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
