They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
