You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
