Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
