somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
