just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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