so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
