I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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