I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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