I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
