pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
