is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
