I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize