thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This toilet bowl is my home.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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