i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
