Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
