Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
