I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
