the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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