Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
