Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
