Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
