apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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