I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
