I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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