just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
