I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
