it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
