I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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