Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize