Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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