Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
