i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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