so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize