just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
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I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
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I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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