i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
