I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
this will be a night to untag.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
