I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
