I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
