You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
