you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
