I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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