If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
