ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He? As in you personified your dick?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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