Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
