so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
