everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
