She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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