I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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