but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
