What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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