Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
