i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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