i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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